If We Were Having Coffee

I’d be shifting uncomfortably in my chair because my back hurts. Sitting straight without slouching has been the best way to sit for the past 3 days. I’d also be sipping herbal tea since I can’t have caffeine on my period; the cramps thereafter usher in death, and I’d like to keep that at bay.

I’ll be all right; the pain medication should kick in soon.

Work has been slow and money has been slim. It’s bringing me to a place where I need to make some decisions. I have my concerns, though. I just wish I had someone to think it all through with, which is why I’m glad that you’re here.

Will I have to sacrifice what I love and where I want to go for the present needs? Will I ever come back around to the things that I truly love? And, most importantly, will I have to consider being… landlocked??

I was talking to either a pilot or another flight attendant, and said that I would have to have a stay-at-home husband. Not in the sense that he stayed at home exclusively to care for children (not unless he could work from home, making that a possibility). I followed this up with “Well one of us has to stay at home, and it’s not going to be me.” Thinking back on how miserable it was to be landlocked, I cannot allow that to happen again; I love to be mobile, but I like having a home base.

Part of me always worried that this job would kill any chance of finding a mate. I took the job because it’s not like I had any luck with that before. My rationale for keeping it was that I can at least have a job that I love since being alone is the deal right now. Who knows how long that “now” will last.

Maybe I should wander even further out. Broaden my horizons in a literal sense. These are the things that are on my mind as I sip my tea. Amongst these concerns lies the niggling to keep up with bills if any big changes are to be made.

I’m not sure what to do, but something must be done.

Just a few thoughts as I sip my tea, and hope that you are in better spirits than I am. Not to say that that my disposition is foul; I’m just contemplative, which sobers the emotions and subdues any radical moods.

How’s life going for you?

#weekendcoffeeshare

 

 

And a bunny hopped by…

…on the day that I was in Ottowa trying pho for the first time. The SBF found Asian food in Canada.

Regrettably, I lack photographic evidence of what I ate, but I was more than relieved to relinquish my cell phone. Besides, without access to hotel wifi and no international plan, it was little more than an expensive alarm clock.

What I love about the Ottowa layover is that nearly everything is accessible by foot. There are promenades, shops, and lots of restaurants. Upon first visiting Ottowa, one of the first things I noticed was that it has a lot of Asian restaurants. Vietnamese, Thai, Indian, Japanese and Chinese are the main ones that can be found in downtown Ottowa. It was interesting because it’s the last place one would think to find Asian food.

Okay, Canada is the last place that would think of to find Asian food. It probably shouldn’t surprise me because whenever I work flights to and from there, the passengers are a reflection of the food you find. Honestly, that could be true of any place if you pay close attention to who is around you.

As I walked around trying to figure out where to settle and eat (which was mostly dictated by my wallet), a place called iPho is where I chose. The O in the name was a bowl of pho with chopsticks coming out of it. I’ve never had pho before, and today seemed like the day to try something new.

It was a rough day in the sky office. The trash can fell out of its cart and spilled contents on me and the floor. No one was hurt except for me & my pride. The trash can didn’t hurt me, though; the ice tray was the culprit. I got one nick on my right hand, and the other on my right foot. The foot was red enough that I could see it without glasses. Ironically, though, the left foot ended up hurting more than the right. I may need to see a doctor.

After all of that, solitude was much needed, and this seemed to be the place to get that. It was quiet; so quiet that I and the young lady cleaning glasses were the only two there. When she saw me, I sat myself and ordered a curried tofu vermicelli with vegetables. The cool of the air on my skin from the open door calmed my senses, and peace was flooding my brain. Part of that surely came from knowing that food was coming.

Assuming that this would be akin to a Vietnamese version of ramen, it was a surprise to see just a big bowl of noodles with the aforementioned ingredients. Even more surprising was the fact that my order was ready in around 5 minutes.

Vermicelli rice noodles were the base with long slices of tofu, some carrot, a green that looked like bok choy, and cauliflower. All of this was tinged yellow by the curry. Overall, it was filling, and the texture of the tofu was delightful; it had a rough tongue-feel which you would think should be crunchy, but it was soft when chewed. There were condiments on the table, and I chose some sambal oelek to spice it up. It paired well with the flavors of this dish.

While I ended up spending more than I would’ve preferred, I at least enjoyed what I ate as well as the quiet that went with my dinner.

On those days when I have a good layover, I should really have a camera. I’ll work on that. If anything, I would’ve loved to show you the bunny. It was small, brown, and very cute. I haven’t seen one in a while; I’m glad it hopped across the walkway and into the grass so I could see. Then it hopped down the hill and out of sight.

Stream of Consciousness

I am sooo sleepy! I ate a few pieces of homemade French toast that was soaked in half & half instead of milk. I had it hanging around, and wanted to use it before it went bad. I didn’t plan to make another quiche, so why not use it on french toast?

Now, a good 6 pieces later, sleepiness is gnawing at my body, and beckoning me to lie down and nap. It’s too late to do this, however. It’s after 19:00, and I am on-call for work early tomorrow morning. I have to get sleep tonight.

I’ve been slacking on being ready for my on-call days. When I first started, I was so diligent with this. The last day of my string of days off was used gathering food, doing laundry, and otherwise preparing myself to leave (or not) for the next 5 days. I don’t always get called, though. I find myself wishing that I don’t at times so that I can rest longer, and do those things that I should’ve done on my last day off. It’s a bit of a paradox: I want to stay home sometimes, but I need the money. No calls=small paycheck=tight budget.

Although I have few bills, they are heavy hitters to a budget as small as mine. Moving away from home is looking impossible with these pitiful hours that I’ve been getting. When I first started out, I was flying more and, therefore, getting paid more as a result. Now… I haven’t had a 4-day trip in months. I was given one recently, only for the original person to pick the trip back up. So there I was again. Not working enough and not earning enough money. I have a side hustle, but I lack the energy to do it. It’s not awful, but it yields so little. Using up the gas doesn’t seem worth it; it was futility at its finest. Sometimes I earn the gas money back, and sometimes I don’t.

I try to remain grateful, however. To make what I earn at this job on my last job would’ve required me to work 4x as hard. It would’ve been misery and torture; no one’s body would be able to withstand that kind of hard, brutal work day in and day out. Some people do it; I can’t even begin to imagine how.

I can’t help it that I want things, though. Things that will make my life a little bit easier, and grant me a small feeling of accomplishment and independence. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? I’d also like to pay off debts faster than I am currently. Let’s be honest; I made some costly mistakes, and I’d like to correct those. On my current earnings, however, things are not progressing as quickly as I would prefer them to. A little extra cash would certainly aid in expediting the “paying it off” process. It would be beautiful! Of course, recreation would be a lovely thing also; however, let’s just start with paying off some bills.

The ones I want to pay off aren’t even that expensive; it’s just that with the current cash flow, paying off even the small bills is becoming out-of-reach. The income tax check helped with that (it went ENTIRELY towards old debts, one of which got paid off. Having a bank account on E after that was worth it to have paid something off).

I hate to talk about money so much, but it’s all that has been on my mind lately. If I was spending money on frivolous things, I could understand why I’m lacking… but it’s not something I do regularly. I check my bank statements about every other month to see where I could cut back, and I fail to see where I’m spending too much. I even manage to know where every dime has gone when looking at debits on the statement, even if it was last month.

What am I missing? Where am I going wrong?

Sure, I could use more money and get a better job. Trust me, it’s not as easy as it sounds. But I am looking. And looking. And hoping that I can find something that I love as much as this. It’s my favourite job so far, and part of me is worried that I won’t find anything else that I like nearly as much.

After working a job like mine, what else could ever compare to it?

If We Were Having Coffee

I’d talk about periods.

Not the thing that marks the end of a thought or phrase. I mean a menstural period.

Why?

Well, I’d talk about it because no one ever does. And I don’t get why.

Did you know that every day, a woman is having a period? I can see you giving me that look from squinted eyes. Well, if you know this, how come no one talks about it? The topic is kept so hushed that, apparently, women in developed countries can’t tell you what ovulation is. Yes, ovulation. Do you know what it is?

I saw a video clip online recently where women and men were asked what ovulation is, and only 1 or 2 people knew. There was a woman HOLDING HER BABY that didn’t know what ovulation was!!! That’s a whole, entire problem!

How can we not talk about a normal function to a point that none of us know what is involved and why it happens? What makes matters worse is that we make women that have periods feel awkward about something that’s completely normal!

How can we claim to be free and liberated countries when women hide pads and tampons in sleeves, bras, or pockets when going to the bathroom? We have a long way to go. It shouldn’t be anything that we get awkward about. It is normal. Really, it is.

In fact, I’m about to start mine now. I can feel my body going through a variety of changes. I don’t know about anyone else, but I get cramps before hand, my appetite increases, and my boobs feel heavy.

*gasp*

Yes, I said boobs. And I’ll say it again.

Boobs. Yep. And they hurt.

*sigh* I can’t wait until it starts because my reproductive system tries to punk me sometimes. It’ll feel like I’m starting, and I’ll rush to the bathroom only to see that I hastened myself to the powder room for no reason. Then, the time that I thought it was another false alarm… there it is. Yeah. I thought I would have the hang of this period thing by now, but not so.

Oh well. The monthly cycle makes the world go ’round.

#weekendcoffeeshare

 

SBF Seeks Asian Food

SBF with adventurous personality and lust for travel is seeking Asian food to have great meals with. Thai, Indian and Chinese are favourites, but I’m willing to consider all types. Chilies and heat fuel my reveries, but non-spicy dishes are also appreciated. I have a car and passport, and am willing to travel to find what I like. Bonus points if ingredients can be procured for creating Asian-inspired dishes at home.

I look forward to that next Asian dish to spice up my life, and hope to meet with you and eat soon!

If We Were Having Coffee…

I’d tell you that I’m scared. Of everything.

Mostly, I’m scared of not becoming the person that I could be. I don’t know if I got this idea from other people’s ideas of me that were forced upon me… or because of the responsibilities that currently encumber me. I feel like I get really close to becoming my best person, only for something to hold me back. I guess I’m afraid of disappointing myself.

I’m also a little stressed out. I’ve been wanting to find my own place, but the enormity of it is overwhelming. Mostly, I become like a child that gets board stiff when something scares them… so they do nothing. I do nothing. Doing nothing doesn’t fix it, but at least I feel like I can breathe and move again.

I wish someone had prepared me for adulthood. I don’t feel like I’m anywhere near being an adult. From the mundane to the truly catastrophic things that can happen, becoming a hermit looks better with each passing day.

One day I might sell everything I own and disappear. It’s terrible, but it feels like the easiest thing to do. My life is a mess, and I don’t know how to fix it.

#weekendcoffeeshare

The Me I Miss

This post was inspired by this blog, which was written by suzie81speaks. 

I haven’t seen her in a while, and it excites me when I get to meet up with her.

She is one of the coolest, most grounded people I know. It’s not that she’s perfect or doesn’t have days where she feels crazy. Trust me, there are days she wanted to put herself away.

I stand in awe of her because: she’s creative, adventurous, genuinely loves physical activity, and is wickedly smart. She’s not the smartest of the smart, but her wit is sharp and doesn’t mince words.

She jokingly admits to having her mother’s looks and her father’s mouth.

I’ve known her for a while, but we only cross paths at certain times. During times of travel, single girl outings, or various other adventures. She drifts onto center stage unannounced, and owns moments in a way that is captivating. In truth, I envy her.

She is me. This she is the extrovert in me when I let her out. Whenever I take myself out or force myself to do something new and different, I turn into the woman I’ve always wanted to be. Not everything is perfect, but when I’m immersed in something, I’m happy, focused, and excited for what the next moment has in store. I’m in the perfect environment for me to be my most awesome self, and it shows… even to me.

I wish I could be her all of the time; when that me isn’t around, I miss her like crazy.